One would think that not holding a full time job away from home would keep the presses running as this aspiring writer churnins out new interesting articles full of wonderful lessons learnt on a regular basis. But alas, here I sit, with the better part of the year gone and not one article has seen the light of day. The presses continue to gather rust.
Pussycat, pussy cat, where have you been?
Goes the little rhyme from the beloved mother goose poems that I used to read to my girls while they were little. Likewise I ask myself, where have I been? I wish I, like the pussycat could respond that I had been up to London to see the queen.
Had I been a farmer I would possibly be measuring time by the seasons; the long rains have come and gone, it’s rather dry at the moment and the maize is now dry, we eagerly await the short rains though they are still quite aways yet. But since I am Mom, I measure seasons with the school term. Two terms are down, we have only just wrapped up the long break and we have embarked on a new school year. So, the question remains, where have I been?
I could say I have been engaged in a few part time jobs with varying degrees of success.
I could say I have continued with my Mom-in-Chief role; faithfully signing off homework logs, dropping off and picking up the girls from school, attending swimming galas and cheering as best as my introverted nature can allow.
I could even tell you I have met up with a few potential employers but don’t hold your breath…no eggs hatched there yet.
Did I tell you I turned fourty? That famed happy place where life begins? And had three parties thrown in my honour to celebrate that great milestone.
But really that year has flown past and left me still trying to calm myself, still myself, find peace and direction. It’s amazing how much noise and unease floats to the surface when you do not have “important” meetings and deadlines to chase after. Fears and anxieties galore that I could never have guessed existed within me when I was all ‘suited-up’, catching up with emails and handing out business cards.
I have wrestled with the question of purpose; around me are people who have resolved this matter. They have heard clearly what they are to be about and are walking in it. Not so with me, I fumble…some days I think, yes, I’ve got it and then…maybe not….the proverbial hare, distracted by anything on its line of vision and dashing off in all directions.
The question of Gods provision has also been constant. Like Israel on the journey to Canaan, mine has been the tedious repetition of hard situations, God’s amazing deliverance and the complaining and grumbling that ensues when the next hard one strikes and God does not seem to come through as fast as I would like. I then sink into the…God must hate me and is out to get me mode. And this repeats itself at almost every regret, every mishap, every disappointment and delay. I tell you it is hard to write when your mind is scattered in a million general directions and you are re-learning over and over the same stuff.
So, the long and short of it is that there are many unresolved stories, drama and sideshows which I find myself in the midst of and I would rather have all of them concluded, nicely tied up and well behind me.
So, maybe I will write when my stories are nicely tied and have a happy ending complete with a beautiful bow on top aka lesson learnt. And so until then, with a wink and my tongue-in-cheek I bid you adieu, so long, take care.
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